Thursday, April 30, 2015

Summer Fashion 2015: Impractically Perfect

I've been looking around at all the new summer fashions and I've seen a lot of things I like. Unfortunately, I've seen a lot of things I like...and will not wear. Why? Well, for starters: 3 children. One of the things they don't tell you before you have kids is that, even if you manage to lose the baby weight, things are still not the same as they were pre-baby. Things that were flat are now...shapes. Things that were shapely...are not. Things have relocated or shifted or transformed (like a butterfly!Yes, let's use that imagery. That's nice).

Also, even if you managed to tone and tighten within an inch of your life, there is the practical part that comes with dressing now. Can you pick up a baby without flashing anyone? Can you carry a child or push a stroller without tripping? If someone yanks on your shirt/skirt/dress will it stand it's ground or will you be ticketed for indecent exposure? So much to consider.

Here are some things I've seen and loved but have sadly given up on:                                      


They're baaaaack. At first I thought "Oh no, gross" because they are overalls and I am not a farmer. But, the more I kept seeing them everywhere the more they grew on me. Look how comfy she looks! (Why is she wearing heels though? Anyone?) How nice would it be to wake up on the weekend and throw these on over a t-shirt and be on your way? They're kind of cute and youthful and....youthful. Really youthful. As in, I realized I had a pair of these when I was eight. And I had a pair of shorts overalls with big flowers on them. Heck, I had a skirt version too! No...I had my time with overalls and those days are gone. If I wore these, given my short stature, I'd look like a preteen boy and that's just never what I want. At least Audrey had a pair and she looked amazing in them, and yes, very young.

Culotte Shorts

                   Sheinside White Multi Poppies Culotte Shorts


Another blast from the early 90's here. Once again, this is one I turned my nose up at before they got me. I guess I remember them from their go 'round 20 years ago. In my mind they were always unattractively baggy shorts,  but now they actually seem like they could be practical. With all that volume it looks like a skirt but it's not! It's shorts! No worries on a windy day! I even went so far as to try on a pair, and alas, these will not be joining me this summer vacation. You know what they looked like on? A really, unattractively baggy pair of shorts.


Fringed Flower Kimono in emerald waters by Myee Carlyle. Cute denim cut offs & Tibetan beads.
Myee Carlyle

So, this doesn't look like a kimono to me, but whatever, that's what they're calling them. It looks like something you wear over lingerie but apparently it's not. This is a thing now, and you wear it like so, over a camisole or t shirt. It's actually quite pretty. I love the floral pattern and the guaziness of it. You know what would happen if I bought one? I would put on my shorts (uh, not those denim cut offs though because thighs) and my shirt, and then I would forget my beautiful accent kimono because someone was eating hand soap. Or, perhaps I would wear it, and then it would keep sliding off every time I picked up a child because it's so damn gauzy. Let's not even get into what the fringe would look like after day one. No, when the kids are grown I will rock a kimono all summer (even though they'll be out of style by then. Whatever. I do what I want).


TWELFTH STREET BY CYNTHIA VINCENT Reckless Daughter Long Sleeve Jumpsuit in Black - Rompers & Jumpsuits

 Cynthia Vincent

 I LOVE THESE. Doesn't she look like a boss lady? So unexpected and yet so elegant and powerful! Amazing. I read a fashion magazine that said if you're short you should really avoid these. It got me a little riled up because these are awesome and yet I am short. Don't tell me what to do, fashion magazine, you don't know my life. You fashion magazines are just trying to bring us women down and I will defy your stupid expectations all while wearing this fantastic jumpsuit! I ordered one, and it was clearly made for someone with the legs of a giraffe. It looked awful. I tried on a petite version and it was clearly made for a baby giraffe. You win fashion magazine.

Crop Tops and Skirts


Feel exhausted to go matchy matchy? Well, this classic matching sets in chevron print is your perfect solution.

Yeah, the minute I realized crop tops were in style I didn't for a second think I'd be buying one. But still, it's cute, no? I love the way they match, and the skirt covers her navel so it's like a little hint of skin without being trashy. Somehow, it works. I had a Barbie when I was little and she had an awesome crop top/skirt combo in yellow and black and she looked great in it.  If you have the same proportions as Barbie then I can highly recommend this outfit. Also, if you have the same proportions as Barbie please seek medical attention.

White Jeans

Ah, white jeans, or as I like to call them: your children's canvas.With these I'd be able to showcase what everyone ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner and tell the world I had my morning coffee because it would be all over these bad boys. Nevertheless, they look so crisp and preppy and I don't know if it's Photoshop or six inch heels but they make her legs look so long. Even if they don't have kids how do people keep these clean? What kind of witchcraft must you possess to avoid spilling something on yourself? I want to know these secrets!

So there we have it. I have come to accept that these styles are not for me but if you like them and want to try them, more power to you! I support you and will be secretly envious when I see you out and about. I'll just be over here rocking my generic khaki shorts and flat sandals, probably with some jelly hand prints on my shoulder.

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