Wednesday, April 15, 2015

A Day in The Life

I know you're probably not curious how a typical day around here looks, but don't worry, I'm going to go ahead and tell you anyway. Okay, it's really just for me to record how crazy our days are right now and to remember in the future exactly how we managed to do it all. 

The Cast:
Sean: the dad
June: the mom
Aiden: 7
Rory: 2.5
Audrey: 14 months 
Bo:the dog

6:15 am:  My alarm goes off. Today will be a good day. Today I will be my best self.

6:30 am: I'm still laying in bed reading emails, checking Instagram and the New York Times app. Audrey starts fussing and I gently nudge Sean awake with my foot and he goes in to comfort her and lay her back down. I will be at least a good version of myself. A halfway decent version.

6:40 am: I wash  my face, put on sunscreen and gather up Aiden's toothbrush and comb. I head downstairs (quietly, for the love of Pete the babies are sleeping) and make Aiden's breakfast and pack his lunch before dragging him out of bed (quietly though. Do not wake up those babies OR ELSE).

6:50-7:20 am: Imagine me saying "Please get dressed," "Please finish your breakfast", "Please put your coat on" about 5,000 times. Finally he's made it onto the bus. Whew. I take four sips of hot coffee and never get the chance to finish because-

7:30 am: Apparently Audrey never quite made it back to sleep earlier and now she is VERY PEEVED. So much for all my shushing and tiptoeing. I put on makeup and attempt to straighten my hair a little too quickly and burn my ear. Dammit. I bet that never happens to Beyonce.

7:40 am: Chaos Ensues: Sean jumps up to help me, Rory is up and mostly dressed, Audrey is up, Rory is slamming doors just...because, Audrey can't decide who should get her dressed and is very vocal about her indecision, Bo is permanently underfoot.

This picture is the very essence of Rory
8am: Rory wants cheerios, eggs, bananas, yogurt, grapes, crackers, cheese, applesauce and m&m's for breakfast. Audrey wants none of these. Sean speed drinks his coffee and gets out the door.

9am: Everyone is done with breakfast and more or less cleaned up. Time to run to the bank and Target.

9:10: Chaos Ensues, Part 2: Coats are on. Coats are off. Shoes are on. One shoe is on. One shoe is now in the washing machine. My purse is now upside down, goodbye forever pens and lipgloss, enjoy your new life under the washer. COATS ARE ON GO GO GO. Audrey doesn't need shoes anyway.

9:20: I have pulled up too far away from the bank window and am hanging out the driver's side of my SUV looking both intelligent and classy. Short arms are no joke. I am sorry bank teller lady, just crumple up the receipt and throw it at me please.

9:30: We're at Target. Audrey is looking like a sweet little doll riding in the cart. Rory wants to ride in the back. No he wants to walk. No he wants me to carry him. No Rory, YOU WALK. I power shop, forgetting items left and right, while Rory sort of drags himself along while holding my arm. Note to self: find a chiropractor.

9:50: Rory is looking like a sweet doll standing angelically next to me as I checkout. Audrey  looks like a gremlin as she tells the local population how very done with shopping she is. Don't worry Audrey, everyone within 50 feet now feels very done with shopping.

10-11am: They play while I unload the groceries, dust and pay some bills online. Rory insists on changing his shirt because he found one with a submarine. Then he changes back because this one also has a scratchy tag. I join in and play. Play = everyone try and sit on mom/make mom carry you. So fun. Much exercise. Am hoping this is all somehow educational, try repeating colors with Rory and doing our alphabet, he just stares at me. Okay.


11: Both Audrey and Rory are done and want lunch. Right. Now. Still have not mastered the ability to magically make food appear so I run around the kitchen preparing fruit, cheese, sandwiches and milk while they take turns whining. So much cooperation and teamwork when it comes to harassing their mother.


12: Nap time. The angels descend from heaven sounding trumpets and singing praise as I put Audrey and then Rory down for a nap. I eat some leftover salad (salad = something containing a lot of dressing and strips of tortilla and at least four pieces of kale) and drink some green tea with lemon. Green tea is good for you and I'm hoping it will magically make me calm, collected, healthy,  focused, bulletproof and all knowing. I read on the internet tat it can do these things.

Nap time!
12:30-2:30: I should exercise. No, never going to happen today, but my gosh that was funny. Self, you and your jokes. I finish cleaning up the kitchen, dust and clean the bathroom and spend a half hour reading various blogs before I remember that a) Aiden will be home any minute. b) I was supposed to make a vet appointment and call the pediatrician. Magic green tea isn't working at all.

2:30-3:30: Greet my biggest as he gets off the bus. School was totally whatever and he doesn't remember anything he did all day. He obviously needs some green tea too. We chat about recess, he snacks on his leftover grapes from lunch and he does his spelling and Spanish homework (does homework = much cajoling, gentle encouraging, heavy sighing and high-fiving from me as he works through it). During this time I'm about 88% certain Rory is up, but he's happy upstairs in bed so I leave him for now.

3:30-4:30: Everyone is awake and I have greatly overestimated my own abilities and decided to take the kids to the park before dinner. Audrey wants to somehow be both in and out of the stroller, in my arms and on the play equipment all at the same time. Trying to explain physics to her. Have totally lost track of the two boys, oh wait, there they are. Good gosh they are amazing when they play together.


Dude bros at the park

5pm: We are back home and Sean is too. I am regretting the park already as everyone is very wound up and dinner is running late. Have seriously got to learn to make food magically appear. Eat ziti and salad at lightening speed so that I can get Aiden to Spanish class. Suffer major heartburn, everything tastes like Italian sausage and regret.

 Confused face. Why so many pictures, wife? No paparazzi please.

5:20: Out the door and dropping Aiden at Spanish class while Sean stays home with the babies (he probably manages to clean most of the kitchen, wrestle with the kids and play them a sonata on the piano during this time because he is a superhero. Not even joking about the piano part. Dude is handsome and accomplished). I enjoy the Spanish teacher's lovely living room and make awkward conversation with fellow parent.

6:30: On our way home from Spanish. Aiden tells me about Papa (daddy) versus papa (potato) and he cracks himself up calling Sean a potato in Spanish. I love this kid so much.

7pm: Chaos Ensues, Part 3: We run around getting out pajamas, finding towels and filling humidifiers. Sean gets the boys bathed while I change and rock Audrey and put her down to sleep. The boys both take a sweet forever to get changed and brush teeth, and then they're wrestling, someone is touching someone else's books, where is Rory? EVERYONE TO YOUR ROOMS.

8: Sean has read Rory 672 books about trains, I smooch Rory goodnight, and his lights are out. Aiden has read me book about snakes, I read him some poems, much smooching and hugging and the lights are out.

8:05: I do the obligatory face plant onto our bed. Sean prefers a sort of side hop onto the bed. We lay there for three whole minutes before I go shower/we clean the rest of the kitchen/make Aiden's lunch for tomorrow/he takes out the garbage.

9m: We watch some Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries and discuss how sassy and amazing she is. We like to yell at her when she is in danger, why does she always go towards the creepy, mysterious noises? We obviously need to tone down the crazy.

10pm: We decide we'd better head to bed. This involves me flossing, getting distracted by a magazine, brushing my teeth, looking for my favorite bracelet, taking my coffee mug from this morning back downstairs, watching aYoutube video on gardening with Sean. Very important stuff, obviously worth an hour of my time. Yikes.

11pm: Forgo reading because it's quite late. Really must go to sleep. End up discussing the drought out west, whether Vladimir Putin is genius/insane or both, watch a Youtube video of him singing "Blueberry Hill", reserve judgement on him for now, discuss which Avenger each of our kids would be (Captain America, Thor, Black Widow obvi).  No seriously we need to go to sleep. Just one more kiss.


*Sean normally works way longer days than this, so this was a treat to have him leave so late and be home so early. Not typical at all.
*I am exhausted just rereading this. Time for coffee.

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