Living Up to Her Nickname

All of our poor children have ridiculous nicknames, and from the moment she was born, Audrey's has been Sass. Why? I have no idea. The names just pop into my head, I say them, and the kids are forever doomed to be called something ludicrous whenever we're home together. Her nnickname was always funny because she has been the least sassy person on the face of the earth, until now anyway.

This picture is the essence of Audrey. Attitude for days. For the record, she picks out her own accessories. Apparently she's a big fan of Mr. T.

 

She is still so sweet and happy but she is all about doing her own thing right now.  Whenever we go somewhere she wants to walk on her own, she wants to open all the doors herself, get her snack out of the cabinet and a drink out of the fridge. She puts her own shoes away and drapes herself in a zillion necklaces everyday. She can never seem to remember that she's only 16 months old. 

We are seeing the truth that each child seems to grow up quicker. Instead of doing toddler things she just wants to keep up with her brothers. She never had any interest in rattles or blocks or baby toys, just Matchbox cars and the tricycle and a baby doll that is the size of her.  She is also talking much more than either one of the boys did at this age.

On one hand it's great that she can and wants to be independent. On the other, her ability still exceeds her judgment. I'm forever feeling elated that she can do so much and it lightens my load and at the same time we're always pulling her back from the brink of danger with a "Not yet! You can't do that yet!". Sean and I have come to realize that we'll be feeling this way until she's an adult.  I just hope we manage to help her keep that sense of independence and drive while helping her use her own good judgment.

Thor Visits A New Realm, Brings the Thunder With Him

Rory had his preschool visit today. It was not awesome but it wasn't any worse than I was expecting. Sean and I had been debating all week about whether he should come with me or not and we finally decided that I'd be just fine with both kids. Note to self: NO. NO YOU WILL NOT BE JUST FINE. Always bring extra help.

I had talked to Rory about school and about how this was HIS school, not Aiden's school, this school is special and just for him! Yay! So fun. He was very excited and singing about school school schoooool all the way there. We walked fifty feet into the building, all was well. We peeked into a classroom, fine and dandy! A teacher came over to talk to us and Rory introduced himself by freaking the heck out. I was not surprised but they certainly were.

We see these teachers around town and every single time we run into them we get chatting about the kids and try and warn them: he's not like Aiden. Aiden who had a big, tear filled adjustment to preschool but did it quietly while holding their hand. They always laugh because of course! All children are different! We love those spirited little people! Clearly, they didn't quite get it.

Audrey started crying when Rory did because his volume was completely overwhelming. I ended up whisking them down the hall to the playroom because he was starting to scare the other kids. Rory continued crying in the playroom while Audrey decided she was done sympathizing with him and went off to play by herself. She is ready for preschool despite having another two years of waiting ahead of her. She got out some beach balls and a tricycle and was a happy camper. (Side note: someone at the school asked if they were twins, a question we've gotten about 500 times. I personally don't see it but apparently everyone else does! I mean, they're a year and a half, three pounds and six inches apart. But whatever.)

Various teachers came in and out to chat with us and see if he wanted to play in the classrooms with the other children. He seemed really interested in playing with the other kids he just had no interest in being near the teachers. Of course the teachers kept coming up to try and talk to him and calm him down which in turn made it worse. We finally decided that our brief tour of the classrooms and our extended stay in the playroom were enough for the day. He just wasn't going to calm down.

Despite the rough visit, I'm not too discouraged. We know it's going to be a big change for him and that in the end he's going to love being with the other kids. He is such a spirited kid, and underneath the tough exterior he is so sweet and independent. I just hope that other people take the time to see that and don't chalk him up as being "difficult". Once he adjusts I think he will be one of the happiest kids there. Until then, he just might be one of the noisiest.

 

The Toddler Dictionary

Are you kidding me? You thought yes meant yes?

Toddlers can be hard to understand. Frequently, they don't even understand themselves. They can talk, they have words, but what do these words mean? Usually not what you think they do. Here are some translations that might help you avoid misunderstandings in your next conversation with a pint sized person.

They say: "Up/ Down, On/Off, In/Out"

They mean:  The exact opposite. Opposites are hard and toddlers frequently mix them up which leads to them being led indoors (usually screaming) when they thought they had clearly stated they wanted to stay out in the yard. However, this is only true until they learn the correct meaning, in which case they mean what they say. It's your job to figure out which. Shouldn't be too confusing right?


They say: "You do it"

They mean: "I know how to do this and it's such a simple task that I no longer care to do it for myself. I'd rather you stop all the boring stuff you're doing and help me with this ridiculously easy thing because it's good for your character"


They say: "I do it"

They mean: "I am not physically capable of completing this task but I have every intention of making you stand there for twenty minutes while I try to lift this 40 pound box. I'll be crying in frustration all the while but that's nothing compared to the thunderous fury I'll unleash if you dare try and help"


They say: "I have to go potty"

They mean: 30% of the time - "I have to use the bathroom"
                    70% of the time - "I want some M&M's and you suckers give them out whenever I pee"


They say: "yes"

They mean: "I have no idea what you're talking about but it might involve cookies. Why don't you just go ahead and I'll let you know if I've changed my mind by throwing myself on the floor and wailing"


They say: "no"

They mean: "No" or "yes" or "I haven't decided" or "I don't really care which and this conversation is boring". Good luck.


They say: Nothing at all, they're calm and content.

They mean: They're asleep. Back away slowly.

Quoatable Kids

Here are some of the gems that have come out of the kids mouths recently:

Aiden (Age 7)

Aiden: I went out to recess and I sat down on the "buddy bench" which is where you go when you're waiting for your friends, but I realized it was the time out bench! I told the teacher I didn't mean to go there and she just said "no one does".

Aiden: What are you reading?

Me: It's an article on Brazil, they're having an outbreak of a disease called Dengue Fever so they're spraying to kill the mosquitoes that carry it

Aiden: It doesn't seem safe for kids and people to spray that stuff. What about bats? They need bat houses in the city, bats eat like a zillion mosquitoes

Me: They have a water shortage so people keep water in open containers and the mosquitoes grow in there.

Aiden: They need to give out better containers with a lid and spout or something. And don't I always tell you and dad not to waste water? I'm gonna keep working on this. 

He's probably going to save the world some day.

 

Audrey (15 Months)

"Shoes"

Sean and I aren't quite certain that she's actually saying "shoes" but it sounds just like it. She says it all the time. Anytime she's playing or crawling around she's saying "shoes" over and over. She's like a mini Carrie Bradshaw.  

Rory (2)

Rory is obsessed with the book Freight Train by Donald Crews. It's the perfect length and has bright illustrations that fit perfectly with Rory's very tiny attention span. He has finally memorized it and will flip through the book "reading" it.

15 Month Checkup: Shots! Shots! Shots!

 

This was a pediatric appointment so not those kinds of shots, although I could've used a few when we were done. I took both kids with me which was not the best idea I've ever had. Normally I only take the one and arrange from someone to watch the other two but nope, I thought it would be just fine.

Rory screamed while we waited, the stroller I took with us was awful and hard to manage and then once we got into the exam room Rory quieted down and Audrey took over. We went through the the usual antics and Audrey received two shots and weighs in at 20lbs almost on the dot. Never fun but the whole appointment went as quickly as could be hoped.

 It's funny because while Audrey has all the usual baby chunk (and then some) she still seems so tiny. Just absolutely miniature. I know I always see her next to her brothers so that explains some of it, and she's right in the 40th percentile for height and weight, but she just seems so eensy!

Personality wise she is still a delight. She had a few colds this late winter and spring but she's back to being healthy and has about 8 teeth and hardly any hair, far less than both boys. I like to put it up anyway I can but there's hardly anything to work with.

She's a good eater and happy to try anything new but insists on feeding herself. Luckily she's surprisingly adept at this. She does her absolute best to keep up with the boys and will throw herself into whatever they are doing. Playing with blocks? She insists on having some too. Drawing? Give her a crayon right this instant. They are really good about humoring her and making her feel included even when the activity is obviously beyond her capability. She is a little ray of sunshine but she's learning to speak up for herself too.

Language wise, she is the chattiest of them all. Rory was a talker but she has so many more words then even he did at this age: want this, thank you, crackers, milk, up, open, the list goes on. I'm sure this grasp on language helps explain why she's still such a perpetually happy kid. She does like to pretend tantrum though: she'll throw herself down (on carpet) and roll around while whining. When someone comes to see what's wrong she'll just laugh.

 The one skill she hasn't quite mastered is walking. She rolled/sat/crawled and stood in quick succession but would never even attempt to walk unless it was cruising along the furniture. If you took her hands to help her stand she would yank them away and sit down. She just took her first independent steps last week but can only go about four steps before she's back down again.

Overall she is such a sweetheart and has her big brothers in the palm of her hand. They could be all-out fighting and she will manage to get them working together to help her walk or bring her toys. Smart lady. I hope she holds on to that skill as she gets older!

How Not to Cut Your Toddler's Hair in 13 Easy Steps

Step 1: Decide your toddler needs a haircut RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Do not plan it out too much, definitely don't wait until your husband is around to help. You've had it up to here with combing yogurt and peanut butter out of that mop and you are DONE.

Step 2: Take just enough time to check Pinterest. Get some great and wholly unrealistic ideas about what you can pull off by yourself with clippers and semi-sharp hair-cutting scissors. Prohibition cut on a two year old? Sure. Why not. 

Step 3: Bring your other toddler into the bathroom with you. All three of you in here will be totally cozy. She is the very definition of patient and just oozing with self control. Surely she won't get in the way!

Step 4: Grab one of your husband's t-shirts to use as a cape. Don't check to make sure it's not one of his favorites that you'll have to throw out once it's coated in those scratchy baby hairs that will never come off.

Step 5: Fire up the buzzers! Work nice and slowly. Again, toddlers are totally patient so this will be just fine. Don't bother to brush off excess hair from his shoulders or even go so far as to hide the already cut hair. Why would giant clumps of hair bother a child?

Step 5: Okay, so now your toddler (who was doing well up to this point) has spotted the hair on the floor. He now knows you are cutting his actual hairs off of his actual head. This is where he starts screaming like you've been cutting his actual fingers off of his actual hands. You haven't been of course, but it sure sounds like you have.

Step 6: Snack break: toddler number two who was playing with a fancy bar of soap is now here to check out the screaming. She is so glad you've provided a delicious array of hair chunks to play with and taste. So soft! So fluttery! Oh Lord, so scratchy, help!

Step 7: Realize that things are totally off the rails. Abandon Pinterest ideas. Abandon scissors into the sink because these kids are EVERYWHERE. Abandon hope.

Step 8: Time to buckle down and power through. He may look like a feral child with only half his hair cut and he may be acting like a feral child trying to escape the bathroom and the giant man sized shirt he is wrapped in, but do not let this distract you from your goal. Turn those buzzers back on.

Step 9: Hold toddler one and gently whisper reassurances as you give up and buzz the rest of the hair off. At this point toddler two will be covered in hair, Chewbacca style, and trying to climb up your back like you are a miniature Mount Everest. Just go with it.

Step 10: All done....mostly. Reward your now hairless and permanently scarred child with a huge bowl of ice cream. Reward yourself with one too. And a huge glass of wine later when you tell this story to your husband. 

Step 11: Put everyone in the bath and try to wash off all the tiny hairs. Those hairs are everywhere. Stop singing Dashboard Confessional, this is not the time.

Step 12: Spend the next two weeks trying to covertly trim all the random long pieces that you missed.

Step 13: All done! Just kidding, you missed a spot.

Nurture and Nature: Gardening with Kids

I was never big on gardening in the past. I know a lot of people who really enjoy discussing various species of plants, the frost and rain forecast and what new plant to put in the garden, but that was never me. I didn't know much about planting (and still don't) but a few years ago Aiden asked to start a vegetable garden so we went ahead and bought some seeds. We dug up a section of an existing flowerbed (that was sorely ignored) and put in some beans, carrots and cucumbers. To my surprise we ended the summer with a garden full of vegetables, despite my haphazard care, and it was something we decided to do each year after. My own attention on the garden waxed and waned as I went through two pregnancies and cared for babies but Aiden still enjoyed it each year and my husband, Sean, soon developed an interest in keeping the garden going.

This interest grew exponentially this past winter when my husband made the decision to purchase some fruit trees to replace other trees we had taken down. It sounded wonderful to me, especially the part where he decided it would be a project for he and Aiden. 

Sean, Aiden and a friend spent last weekend digging holes, mixing compost and soil, planting and back filling, and now there are four new trees around here. Sean and Aiden have already been looking up natural fertilizers, how to protect the tiny trunks and different methods for pruning the growing branches.

  

What went from a plan to grow trees for fruit is starting to seem like a much larger lesson. Gardening is great to teach kids about caring for the earth, eating healthy, whole foods and spending time in nature, but the one word that is resonating as I watch my husband and son water and check each tree is nurture.  

Our society provides plenty of opportunities to teach girls how to nurture: we have baby dolls and kitchen sets galore and happily teach them to be little mommies. What about the boys? We have a kitchen set and baby dolls and while all three kids have played with them, his interest in those things has pretty much disappeared as he's gotten older. How do you keep helping boys to nurture, care and protect? Gardening has become the perfect example and a way to keep that discussion going.

 

He's outside sweating, dragging a heavy shovel and sinking into the soft, deep soil. It seems like your stereotypical "man's work". But he and Sean are also tenderly examining buds, figuring out where to make cuts that won't hurt but instead help it flourish. They're looking for a way to wrap guards around the base of each plant to keep them safe from hungry animals and errant lawn toys. Soon Aiden will see that after all the heavy digging and the careful pruning and watering we will have strong trees that give sweet apples in years to come. Aiden sees his daddy, a big strong man he thinks can do almost anything, showing him how to be gentle, how to carefully help something small and defenseless grow.

Out there in the garden, with dirty, callused hands and sore muscles, he's learning that anytime you put in hard work, gentleness and care, whether it be with a child, a partner or even a little sprig of a tree, something beautiful can grow. 

A Day in The Life

I know you're probably not curious how a typical day around here looks, but don't worry, I'm going to go ahead and tell you anyway. Okay, it's really just for me to record how crazy our days are right now and to remember in the future exactly how we managed to do it all. 

The Cast:
Sean: the dad
June: the mom
Aiden: 7
Rory: 2.5
Audrey: 14 months 
Bo:the dog

6:15 am:  My alarm goes off. Today will be a good day. Today I will be my best self.

6:30 am: I'm still laying in bed reading emails, checking Instagram and the New York Times app. Audrey starts fussing and I gently nudge Sean awake with my foot and he goes in to comfort her and lay her back down. Okay...today I will be at least a good version of myself. A halfway decent version.

6:40 am: I wash  my face, put on sunscreen and gather up Aiden's toothbrush and comb. I head downstairs (quietly, for the love of Pete the babies are sleeping) and make Aiden's breakfast and pack his lunch before dragging him out of bed (quietly though. Do not wake up those babies OR ELSE).

6:50-7:20 am: Imagine me saying "Please get dressed," "Please finish your breakfast", "Please put your coat on" about 5,000 times. Finally he's made it onto the bus. Whew. I take four sips of hot coffee and never get the chance to finish because-

7:30 am: Apparently Audrey never quite made it back to sleep earlier and now she is VERY PEEVED. So much for all my shushing and tiptoeing. I put on makeup and attempt to straighten my hair a little too quickly and burn my ear. Dammit. I bet that never happens to Beyonce.

7:40 am: Chaos Ensues: Sean jumps up to help me, Rory is up and mostly dressed, Audrey is up, Rory is slamming doors just...because, Audrey can't decide who should get her dressed and is very vocal about her indecision, Bo is permanently underfoot.

This picture is the very essence of Rory

8am: Rory wants cheerios, eggs, bananas, yogurt, grapes, crackers, cheese, applesauce and m&m's for breakfast. Audrey wants none of these. Sean speed drinks his coffee and gets out the door.

9am: Everyone is done with breakfast and more or less cleaned up. Time to run to the bank and Target.

9:10: Chaos Ensues, Part 2: Coats are on. Coats are off. Shoes are on. One shoe is on. One shoe is now in the washing machine. My purse is now upside down, goodbye forever pens and lipgloss, enjoy your new life under the washer. COATS ARE ON GO GO GO. Audrey doesn't need shoes anyway.

9:20: I have pulled up too far away from the bank window and am hanging out the driver's side of my SUV looking both intelligent and classy. Short arms are no joke. I am sorry bank teller lady, just crumple up the receipt and throw it at me please.

9:30: We're at Target. Audrey is looking like a sweet little doll riding in the cart. Rory wants to ride in the back. No he wants to walk. No he wants me to carry him. No Rory, YOU WALK. I power shop, forgetting items left and right, while Rory sort of drags himself along while holding my arm. Note to self: find a chiropractor.

9:50: Rory is looking like a sweet doll standing angelically next to me as I checkout. Audrey  looks like a gremlin as she tells the local population how very done with shopping she is. Don't worry Audrey, everyone within 50 feet now feels very done with shopping.

10-11am: They play while I unload the groceries, dust and pay some bills online. Rory insists on changing his shirt because he found one with a submarine. Then he changes back because this one also has a scratchy tag. I join in and play. Play = everyone try and sit on mom/make mom carry you. So fun. Much exercise. Am hoping this is all somehow educational, try repeating colors with Rory and doing our alphabet, he just stares at me. Okay.

 

 

11: Both Audrey and Rory are done and want lunch. Right. Now. Still have not mastered the ability to magically make food appear so I run around the kitchen preparing fruit, cheese, sandwiches and milk while they take turns whining. So much cooperation and teamwork when it comes to harassing their mother.

  

12: Nap time. The angels descend from heaven sounding trumpets and singing praise as I put Audrey and then Rory down for a nap. I eat some leftover salad (salad = something containing a lot of dressing and strips of tortilla and at least four pieces of kale) and drink some green tea with lemon. Green tea is good for you and I'm hoping it will magically make me calm, collected, healthy,  focused, bulletproof and all knowing. I read on the internet tat it can do these things.

 

Nap time!

12:30-2:30: I should exercise. No, never going to happen today, but my gosh that was funny. Self, you and your jokes. I finish cleaning up the kitchen, dust and clean the bathroom and spend a half hour reading various blogs before I remember that a) Aiden will be home any minute. b) I was supposed to make a vet appointment and call the pediatrician. Magic green tea isn't working at all.

2:30-3:30: Greet my biggest as he gets off the bus. School was totally whatever and he doesn't remember anything he did all day. He obviously needs some green tea too. We chat about recess, he snacks on his leftover grapes from lunch and he does his spelling and Spanish homework (does homework = much cajoling, gentle encouraging, heavy sighing and high-fiving from me as he works through it). During this time I'm about 88% certain Rory is up, but he's happy upstairs in bed so I leave him for now.

 

3:30-4:30: Everyone is awake and I have greatly overestimated my own abilities and decided to take the kids to the park before dinner. Audrey wants to somehow be both in and out of the stroller, in my arms and on the play equipment all at the same time. Trying to explain physics to her. Have totally lost track of the two boys, oh wait, there they are. Good gosh they are amazing when they play together.

  

Dude bros at the park

5pm: We are back home and Sean is too. I am regretting the park already as everyone is very wound up and dinner is running late. Have seriously got to learn to make food magically appear. Eat ziti and salad at lightening speed so that I can get Aiden to Spanish class. Suffer major heartburn, everything tastes like Italian sausage and regret.

 Confused face. Why so many pictures, wife? No paparazzi please.

5:20: Out the door and dropping Aiden at Spanish class while Sean stays home with the babies (he probably manages to clean most of the kitchen, wrestle with the kids and play them a sonata on the piano during this time because he is a superhero. Not even joking about the piano part. Dude is handsome and accomplished). I enjoy the Spanish teacher's lovely living room and make awkward conversation with fellow parent.

6:30: On our way home from Spanish. Aiden tells me about Papa (daddy) versus papa (potato) and he cracks himself up calling Sean a potato in Spanish. I love this kid so much.

7pm: Chaos Ensues, Part 3: We run around getting out pajamas, finding towels and filling humidifiers. Sean gets the boys bathed while I change and rock Audrey and put her down to sleep. The boys both take a sweet forever to get changed and brush teeth, and then they're wrestling, someone is touching someone else's books, where is Rory? EVERYONE TO YOUR ROOMS.

8: Sean has read Rory 672 books about trains, I smooch Rory goodnight, and his lights are out. Aiden has read me book about snakes, I read him some poems, much smooching and hugging and the lights are out.

8:05: I do the obligatory face plant onto our bed. Sean prefers a sort of side hop onto the bed. We lay there for three whole minutes before I go shower/we clean the rest of the kitchen/make Aiden's lunch for tomorrow/he takes out the garbage.

9m: We watch some Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries and discuss how sassy and amazing she is. We like to yell at her when she is in danger, why does she always go towards the creepy, mysterious noises? We obviously need to tone down the crazy.

10pm: We decide we'd better head to bed. This involves me flossing, getting distracted by a magazine, brushing my teeth, looking for my favorite bracelet, taking my coffee mug from this morning back downstairs, watching aYoutube video on gardening with Sean. Very important stuff, obviously worth an hour of my time. Yikes.

11pm: Forgo reading because it's quite late. Really must go to sleep. End up discussing the drought out west, whether Vladimir Putin is genius/insane or both, watch a Youtube video of him singing "Blueberry Hill", reserve judgement on him for now, discuss which Avenger each of our kids would be (Captain America, Thor, Black Widow obvi).  No seriously we need to go to sleep. Just one more kiss.

End

*Sean normally works way longer days than this, so this was a treat to have him leave so late and be home so early. Not typical at all.
*I am exhausted just rereading this. Time for coffee.

When The Boy Doesn't Like Sports

We're in the midst of signing up for summer camps, which seems crazy as it's 45 degrees and raining right now. We've already been mailed the long list of camps offered through school, the various programs through the town and a flyer full of camps from the science museum. Aiden has flipped through each one and picked out his favorites. The very predictable results: art camp, chemistry camp, insects and bugs camp. No lacrosse, no baseball, no football or soccer.

When Aiden was a baby he was incredibly mobile from an early age, able to pull himself around at three months and standing at six months. He would jog around the playground at fourteen months, past other babies his age crawling and toddling those giant, wobbly footsteps while Aiden was solid on his feet. He could run a full mile at age two and knocked the target off the gym wall with his pitch during kindergarten orientation.

We knew that he was going to excel at sports. We're well aware of the statistics on how few kids get athletic scholarships let alone the miniscule percentage that go on to become professionals, but what parent hasn't wondered or hoped when they see their child rocket a baseball across the yard or outstrip their classmates in a running race?

There are so many amazing things about Aiden from his creativity to his sense of justice and his mind for science but we felt like he "needed" a sport to be well-rounded. Even the pediatrician would ask him "What's your sport? You must have a sport!" when we visited. I mean, he's only seven! Baseball, tennis and skiing were a huge part of Sean's childhood and he started making even more of an effort to get out the skis or the baseball glove or to take him to the tennis courts and it just didn't make a difference. When he's outside Aiden wants to catch grasshoppers or examine the bark on a tree or draw intricate scenes with chalk.

He's still so young and maybe one day he'll decided to pick up a baseball, or maybe not. It's not a lack of sports that leaves me with that quiet, nagging feeling so much as it is the idea that there is something he could truly excel at but he has no interest in pursuing. As parents we want our kids to be the best they can be and we want them to live up to their potential. We try and carefully lay a path to show them where to go and it can be frustrating when they decide to veer off in their own direction. We try so hard to instill confidence in him, to have him trust his own instincts, and I've learned that achieving this means I need to trust him too. Out with sports. In with magnifying glasses and nature encyclopedias. Let's do this.

So we've gone ahead and signed him up for science camp and art camp and that insect camp he begged to join.  Sean will let him carefully collect up all the worms he finds in the soil out back this weekend. I'll draw a huge mural of New York City with him on the front walk when it finally warms up. We'll still ask if he wants to go to the tennis courts but we won't push it if he doesn't. He knows what he's doing.