The Toddler Dictionary

Are you kidding me? You thought yes meant yes?

Toddlers can be hard to understand. Frequently, they don't even understand themselves. They can talk, they have words, but what do these words mean? Usually not what you think they do. Here are some translations that might help you avoid misunderstandings in your next conversation with a pint sized person.

They say: "Up/ Down, On/Off, In/Out"

They mean:  The exact opposite. Opposites are hard and toddlers frequently mix them up which leads to them being led indoors (usually screaming) when they thought they had clearly stated they wanted to stay out in the yard. However, this is only true until they learn the correct meaning, in which case they mean what they say. It's your job to figure out which. Shouldn't be too confusing right?


They say: "You do it"

They mean: "I know how to do this and it's such a simple task that I no longer care to do it for myself. I'd rather you stop all the boring stuff you're doing and help me with this ridiculously easy thing because it's good for your character"


They say: "I do it"

They mean: "I am not physically capable of completing this task but I have every intention of making you stand there for twenty minutes while I try to lift this 40 pound box. I'll be crying in frustration all the while but that's nothing compared to the thunderous fury I'll unleash if you dare try and help"


They say: "I have to go potty"

They mean: 30% of the time - "I have to use the bathroom"
                    70% of the time - "I want some M&M's and you suckers give them out whenever I pee"


They say: "yes"

They mean: "I have no idea what you're talking about but it might involve cookies. Why don't you just go ahead and I'll let you know if I've changed my mind by throwing myself on the floor and wailing"


They say: "no"

They mean: "No" or "yes" or "I haven't decided" or "I don't really care which and this conversation is boring". Good luck.


They say: Nothing at all, they're calm and content.

They mean: They're asleep. Back away slowly.