Wednesday, January 4, 2012

New Beginnings

So, since I didn't record anything about my pregnancy with Aiden, I want to make an effort this time. Sean and I really didn't tell anyone until Christmas, and even before then we didn't talk much about it to each other out of nervousness. Finally telling people has felt very strange, almost uncomfortable, because it really makes it real. It definitely hasn't really sunk in yet and still seems very tentative, at least to me, so I'm waiting for that moment when it kind of becomes real.

It's funny but things feel so different this time around. When I was pregnant with Aiden it never occurred to me that anything might go wrong. I had some worries but they were more about labor and less about something happening to the baby. Also, I was getting up at 4:30am to work a full day before sitting in class for three hours, so you know, I didn't exactly have time to think of everything that might go wrong. This time however, I'm constantly coming back to the same worries about miscarrying. We've had to deal with some related issues in the past few months, so in some ways they're legitimate worries, but even after my doctor assured me ten times over that everything is going swimmingly, I still worry. What can I say, I'm a World Champion Black Belt Worrier.

One thing not helping the worry are my constant nightmares! They involve crazy, unrealistic scenarios and yet I wake up in a panic and feel off-kilter for quite a while. The upside is that apparently the more nightmares you have during pregnancy, the less likely your are to suffer from postpartum depression. Who knows how accurate that is but here's hoping there's some benefit to them!

There are even more little details that I'm finding different from the first. With Aiden I was starving all the time and I couldn't get enough steak and milk. I'm not a big red-meat eater and I don't drink milk, so that was strange. Now it's fruit. I'm craving mangoes, watermelon, cherries, oranges and anything else in the produce section. Still not crazy about milk or meat. However, in general I'm not very hungry (which I'm sure will change in the next few weeks).

Another difference is my belly! With Aiden I didn't start showing until I was about five months, and even then it was more of a "Is she pregnant or is that just cheeseburgers?" kind of bump. Right away this time my clothes were uncomfortable and by 12 weeks there was a bump. I suppose after the first your body just doesn't hold it all in quite the same. Nevertheless, it's nice to actually look pregnant rather than just bloated. I've just had to go shopping for some actual maternity clothes as I opened my box of maternity clothes from last time and discovered I had two tank tops, a pair of jeans and a pair of Capri pants. Whoops. Suddenly I remembered that I borrowed almost everything. Luckily with the after Christmas sales I'm pretty much stocked up and for very little money which was nice!

So now for the ultra unflattering bathroom lighting shot:

14 Weeks

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